medium- -rare

Last night, after exactly three months of living in Shanghai, I found myself wondering why my Chinese hasn’t improved impressively (while my English language skills have atrophied), and why I’ve still yet to do anything that a truly down-ass Chinese babe would do.  Three months, after all, is enough time to settle into a full-time job, make three hospital visits, befriend the boys at the massage parlor, visit Hong Kong, suffer the embarrassment of eating at the same restaurants alone a touch too often, and experience two seasons, surviving two colds in the process.

I let the idea go for a bit, to putz around on the internet as usual.  I don’t remember what chain of events brought me to her, nor do I have any intention of ever visiting that sordid place known as Browsing History.  All I remember is that when I saw her face—unsubtle bumpit hair, cat-eye, Dragon Lady lips and all—I knew I had found my answer.

Barbie Collector

Excelling at a language and immersing yourself in a new environment is about owning it.  It’s about playing a role and playing it well.  Your body has to be just as on board as your mind, and this svelte lady’s brazen look reminded me of that.  If years of karaoke have taught me anything (and they most certainly have, if not more than my years of formal education), it’s that you gotta feel it to belt it.  And this here archetype I feel, and this here song I wanna belt, so very badly.

This isn’t my subtle side’s swan song, and I promise to remain as “other” as I’ve always been.  I like to think of it as an expansion of me.  Much in the same way that my tongue will endeavor to move in a manner that it currently finds unpracticed and my mind will attempt to arrange sentences following syntax outside of its usual mode, my style of dress will step into a territory of leopard print bodycon dresses (on their last legs though they seemingly be), bejeweled Pucci ensembles and lotus print clamdiggers.

If you doubt that your habitually subtle friend can do this, I have five words and two punctuation marks for you—these things already been bought’en!